The Knee Bone's Connected To ...
tsb

Such a face! Daddy Bones@ age 12, gracing the book's cover.

 

 How to Keep Your Sanity Intact When a Loved One Needs a Nursing Home  

It’s estimated that more than 50 million people provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year.

Studies show that extremely stressed caregivers can age or die prematurely. 

“Bette Davis said ‘old age is no place for sissies,’ but caring for an older loved one isn’t for the feint of heart, either,” says Bones. “I loved my dad and we were very close, but the strain of ‘putting’ him in a nursing home was so overwhelming for all of us that I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.”

Becoming aware of some of the don’ts” of long-term care can make daily life easier for nursing home residents and for their family caretakers,” she notes.

Bones offers some key examples from her Nursing Home Checklist:

· Ask clergy, family, and friends - especially those in the health care field - to recommend outstanding nursing homes.

· When touring a nursing home, ask other visitors for frank feedback about the facility. Don’t just inspect the “sample” room, look into residents’ rooms to check for cleanliness.

· Assure your loved one that you will be their ongoing advocate.

· Visit your loved one often and at varying times of the day - and night. This alerts all of the caregivers that you are keeping an eye on your loved one.

· Get to know the staff, especially your loved one’s immediate caregivers.

· Thank the employees for the thankless job that they do.

· Put your loved one’s name on all their belongings, including clothes and personal products. Never leave money or valuables in their room.

· Place a quilt, photos and other small touches to create a “homey” room.

· Put a brief bio and picture of your loved one at the entrance of their room to “introduce” them to staff and visitors.

. Bring old photos when you visit your loved one - it will give you something to look at if conversation lags.

. Bring different edible treats to spice-up the resident's menu.

 

 


 

 

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Yo.....Welcome to the Bonesblog of Diane Bones. I am a freelance writer specializing in feature articles. I also teach a Humor Writing course at Temple University. See Bonesbio for more.

Check out my new book, Tea, Sticky Buns and the Body of Christ (Postscripts From a Nursing Home), a memoir of the year I spent with my Dad before he died. Watch as my family and I laugh, cry and crumble as we become the raw meat of the "sandwich generation."

 

Friday
Aug182017

Thems is Fightin' Words

There was some unedited footage online from a Charlottesville TV station that showed a big, gruff white supremacy dude hitting a counter-protester in the face because she dared to verbally confront him.

This was just one brief moment of depravity that ended in death and absolutely devastated America.

Yet at his "press conference" in front of Trump Tower in NYC a few days afterward, Donald Trump seemed astonished that reporters dared to ask him questions other than his intended topic: infrastructure.

After all, why confront the country's deep, dark moral divide when you can hold court about highways and byways?

Trump even had all his infrastructure data outlined in a colorful chart so that those of us who didn't go to the Wharton School could grasp the crucial information he was about to share.

But no one wanted to look at his !*&#! chart.

The press - or the "fake news" as referred to them during his talk, har-dee-har-har, boy, that sure is a funny phrase  - wanted to know what he thought about the Charlottesville protest fiasco and the murder of a counter-protester.

Of course, in his "I am NEVAH wrong" stance, Trump explained that he didn't immediately denounce the Nazis and the KKK participants because he didn't want to react too quickly.

"I wanted to know the facts," the prez said, adding, "When I make a statement, I like to be correct..." and "I don't want to rush into a statement."'

Ha ha ha, good one, Donald. I once thought that you didn't have a sense of humor, BUT I WAS WRONG! First that "fake news" bit and now THIS, you're KILLING it, pal, KILLING IT.

Anyway, when reporters pressed him with questions about race relations, he ignored the subject and instead continued with some blather about how good-paying jobs will solve EVERYTHING.

Say WHAT?

Trump reminded me of my dear hubby in that moment. He also tries the old "switch to another subject and she'll NEVER NOTICE" tactic.

Me: Honey, you left the shower curtain bunched up again - it makes it all mildew-y, please close it after you're done."

Himself: How 'bout them Phillies?

The Switcherooney is a great tactic if the person with whom you are communicating is really, really polite or a certified moron; otherwise, it's boorish and aggravating as hell.

But switching subjects will not erase Trump's "there is blame on both sides" theory about the Charlottesville protest.

There's rage simmering in our country because, you know, people get kinda upset when Nazi symbols start popping up on clothing like Calvin Klein labe

But the Prez seems downright oblivious to it all.

I read that Trump once said he could bring people together, but all he has done with his bull-headed, awkward, self-centered, paranoid and ill-constructed tweets is rip America apart.

Trump frequently uses the phrase "believe me," and he said it again while holding court at Trump Tower.

Believe him? You mean the guy who ended the press conference by inappropriately boasting that he owned a winery in Charlottesville and incorrectly describing it as "one of the largest in the United States."

Oh, dear God, if only we could.

Monday
Jan092017

STRANGE DAYS INDEED

The way Donald Trump has behaved since his victory reminds me a bit of Michael Jackson.

It bugged me when people glossed over Jackson’s utter strangeness - marrying his plastic surgeon's employee as his broodmare, hanging out with underage male actors, being best buds with a monkey, evolving from an adorable boy into a whispering, pinch-nosed, middle-aged wax figurine, to name just a few - and simply focused on his talents as the King of Pop.

And I'm sensing some of that same "let's pretend he didn't say/do/tweet that" happening with Trump.

Ever since the election – yes, the one I was dead wrong about - it's been one "HUH?" Trump headline after another. 

There are soooooo many to choose from, but one of my favs was the photo op with Trump and Kanye West.

Kanye, who had been acting erratic at his concerts and hospitalized for "severe exhaustion"(showbiz speak for psychiatric problems), met with Trump to discuss "multicultural issues" shortly after being released from the hospital.

Pardon me, is that what one does after being treated for an emotional breakdown, trot off to have your photo taken with the President-elect, whose calendar, by the way, should be crammed full with interviews for actual government positions? Kanye, please, skip the Trump Tower tete-a-tete and go see your shrink, it’ll be much more beneficial.

And how about Carl Paladino, who is "in contact with the Trump transition team" and is a close personal friend of the president-elect. Carl said he "hopes Obama catches mad cow disease" and that he hoped to see Michelle Obama "return to being a male and let loose in the outback of Zimbabwe where she lives comfortably in a cave with Maxie, the gorilla." 

Sure, the Trump transition team condemned his remarks - DUH - but would you hang out a guy who said those vile comments? 

No thank you.

And did you hear that Trump wants the Energy Department to provide the names of employees who have been involved in climate talks or who helped advance Obama administration climate policies? 

Hello, we have lists now?

And don’t forget that for his Vice President he selected a man who believes that being gay is a personal choice and thinks that preventing gays from marrying is an enforcement of “God’s idea.”

Good to know he’s on speaking terms with the Lord. Please tell him that I said hello.

Of course, you heard his latest tweet to Meryl Streep, the acclaimed star who had the audacity to call him out for his record of cruel, bullying rants. He called her “one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood.”

You can almost HEAR the "nah nah nah nah nah nah" in his childish, braggadocios tone.

Doesn’t Trump get it that Americans can speak out against their elected officials? This ain’t Russia (yet) and he ain’t Putin, so Meryl and the rest of us have the freedom to say what we like without being ostracized to Siberia (yet).    

And speaking of shirtless old guys who think they look like Fabio sitting atop a horse, in a recent interview, Vladimir Putin told American Democrats that "you have to know how to lose with dignity." 

Well, I'll tell ya what, Vlad, when I see some dignity in one of your pal Trump’s infamous, "mean girl" tweets, I'll try to lose with it.

So while I might be a lousy soothsayer – again, I was wrong, wrong, wrong about the election, even though three mill more Americans voted for Hills than for Trump - I'm sticking with my gut fear and repeating a line that my Mother used whenever someone gave her the heebie jeebies:

The man is s-t-r-a-n-g-e.

You can rationalize and politicize his actions from now until inauguration day, but he's still a scary-strange dude.

If I'm wrong again, I'll take it like a woman.

But until then, God Help America.

 

 

 



 

Friday
Nov042016

And the Winner Is...

When I was a kid, I remember asking my Dad to divulge who he voted for in the presidential election, but he'd never told me.

I'd plead with him to fess-up, but he wouldn't, even though I could be what a child psychologist might define as "acutely persistent."

I'm not sure why Daddy Bones never disclosed which lever he pulled, but I'm guessing that he believed it was none of my beeswax. 

Part of his secrecy may be due to the fact that my parents were registered with one party because it was prudent to do so in our suburban town, but they may not have always voted along party lines. My Dad knew that if I learned his candidate of choice, I'd tell everyone in the neighborhood. "Good morning, Mrs.Kelly. Your garden looks quite vibrant and did you know that my Dad voted for Barry Goldwater?" My Mom was fond of beginning a lot of her conversations with me with the phrase "Don't tell anybody" and I guess my Dad took heed.

I think of my Father's dignified reserve as we mercifully trudge toward Election Day 2016. I remember last summer, when the first political television ads ran, all I could think was: Sixteen more months of this? (That's not true, I also thought: "Gee, no matter which party sponsors an ad, they all seem to use the same voice-over lady.")

But those 16 months have finally lapsed and, regretfully, so has much of our dignity. 

You've heard all the stories - couples breaking up over this election; families not speaking to each other after screaming about which candidate is the lesser of two evils; and Saturday Night Live producers praying that the next presidential election is half as juicy as this one.

Who am I voting for? Well, as a humor lover, I gotta go with the one who was funnier at an annual roast-style Catholic Charities fundraising event at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Manhattan that - for some reason or another - typically attracts both presidential candidates during election years. 

Only 24 hours after battling in a televised debate like King Kong and Godzilla, Clinton and Trump were perched at seats between the Archbishop of New York. Who says politics are boring?

Its called the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation dinner, but it was more like an Alfred E. Neuman event.

Both candidates did a little stand-up routine - what's next, tap dancing? - and neither one has the chops to become America's next late night television host. And granted, asking an amateur to perform a stand-up monologue at a society event with - this year, anyway - the whole world watching is like making them perform Madame Butterfly at the Met.

But one President-to-be was definitely more at ease with the role.

Of course, having a sense of humor does not a great president make. But having absolutely no sense of humor certainly doesn't help matters when you're residing in the White House. (See: Richard M. Nixon.) 

When I became an adult and my Dad assumed that I had matured ever so slightly, he finally let it leak that in 1960, he voted for John F. Kennedy. Not only that, he said that he stayed up all night with a bottle of whiskey (Irish Catholic president, Irish Catholic voter, whaddayaexpect?) until, near sunrise the next day, it was confirmed that JFK won.

So in homage to Tom Bones' overall privacy policy regarding his ballot, I'm not going to say who I'm voting for.

I'm only going to predict that it will be a landslide.

And, in true big-mouth form, I'm going respond to all your "my vote doesn't count" or "I hate both of them" by urging you to shut your traps and GET TO THE POLLS.

Why? Because, despite all evidence to the contrary lately, this is America and that's just what we do.

 

 

 

Wednesday
Aug242016

Cursing That Little Red-Headed Girl...

Every time I spot a piece of litter on the ground, I blame it on the little red-headed girl who bullied her way into the neighborhood. 

And let me tell ya, I see a LOT of litter.

Like, every...single... day.

And many a time, the trash has a picture of that little girl on it...

It was several years ago when the corporate meanies razed a beautiful Victorian home around the corner and replaced it with a Wendy's fast food franchise. 

We neighbors ranted and raved at civic meetings, swearing that the demolition of the historic structure was an abomination and that we'd eat raw beef before we'd let that smiling red-headed corporate symbol plant roots in our little corner of the world. 

But, alas, despite our wringing of hands, the Wendy's people - and their very well-dressed layers - won.

And before you knew it, where a glorious home stood for a hundred years sprung a boxy, single-story building that was shiny but utterly putrid.

I felt powerless to stop Wendy's arrival, but vowed to do my part by never stepping foot into the place.

But have no fear, America, business is BOOMING.

Seems like every time I pass by the place, there is a snakelike line of vehicles at the take-out window. The customers love to sit in their cars, yell their burger preference into a speaker and wheel on over to pick up their Wendy booty. (It's estimated that the majority of customers - 57 percent - at hamburger fast food joints can't bear the thoughts of actually walking in to grab a bite to eat and instead use the drive-thru window.) 

Then - or so it seems - the whole gang throws their Wendy's wrappers out their car window and onto the ground.

I see it every morning when I go for a walk. A wrapper here, a cup there, a napkin everywhere.

Of course, it's not only Wendy's litter I see.

 Yeah, even though the nearest Mickey D's is miles away, news and garbage travel fast.

So I'm sorry, little Wendy, for picking on you. 

It's just that I knew you'd have a real impact on my surroundings, and not in a good way. I have no bias against your famous Frosty or your Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, but I do have a problem with picking up the remnants that your customers love to toss away like confetti. 

In the ultimate NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) mentality, I would have preferred it if you opened up elsewhere, like next to your franchise owner's suburban five-bedroom, three bath colonial. 

Today, pardon me for saying so, was the last straw.

Curses to you, little red-headed girl, and all the calories, crassness and rubbish that you represent. 

 

Friday
Apr082016

And They Called It Puppy Love...

We lost our beloved mutt Sammy over a year ago, still missed her and weren't actively looking for a replacement

But, like many love stories, this. one happened unexpectedly.

It all started in February.

I  was with a friend whose son texted her a photo of three puppies.

Now pay attention, because this puppy tale takes a long and winding road.

My friend's son's girlfriend's family was on vacation when a small, furry dog suddenly approached them while they were relaxing on a beach in Puerto Rico.

The pooch appeared to be hungry and alone, and when they tried to locate her owner, a local resident told them that they'd have no luck. Turns out that the area where they found her was known as Dead Dog Beach, a well-known spot in Puerto Rico where people abandon pets they no longer want.

It was apparent that Wookie, as the family named her, was a throw-away animal and even though they were "cat people," they decided to bring the little mutt home to the States. They called the airline to add her to their entourage, bought a small dog carrier and successfully whisked her past the scrutinizing eyes of Customs' agents. 

One of the family's daughters took Wookie back to college with her in Washington D.C. When this college kid brought the pooch to a vet for a checkup, she found out that the dog was pregnant, and soon Wookie gave birth to three puppies, two boys and a girl, at midnight in her new owner's dorm room. 

All three needed a good home, so my friend - the one whose son's girlfriend's family had rescued Wookie - asked me if I was interested. 

I was on board, so I texted Dave about his thoughts on adopting a puppy and he responded with the dreaded phrase "It's up to you."

Everyone knows that those four little words can be used against you in a court of law - or at least in an argument - so I sent him the puppy photo. It was worth a million words and he responded with just two: "Get her."

I gave Dave naming rights and he dubbed her "Emily," which sounded more like a Bronte character than a Latino sweetheart, but a promise is a promise.

College officials frown upon a litter of puppies residing in their dormitories, so after the babies were born and until they were weaned, Wookie and her puppies were cared for by the mother of the family who had first found the stray on Dead Dog Beach. She fed, cleaned and loved all four of the dogs, unexpectedly turning her home into a doggy day care for two entire months. 

When Dave and I picked up eight-week-old Emily, she wasn't quite four pounds, but had the feistiness of a rottweiler and the big brown eyes of a Kewpie Doll.

Today, she is far from her roots in Puerto Rico, but seems happy hanging with me in my home office in Philly.

Dave and I are smitten and busy cleaning-up after Little Miss until we get this whole housebreaking deal down pat.  

We're so grateful for all of the caring folks who helped orchestrate Emily's unlikely pilgrimage, especially the selfless family who discovered - and fell in love with - her homeless Mom.

People ask us, "What breed is she?" but we don't have a clue.

All we know is that we weren't looking for a dog, but it seems that a dog found us.

Thanks, serendipity. Can't wait to see how this love story unfolds. 

Visit The Sato Project (thesatoproject.org) to learn about an organization that rescues canines from Dead Dog Beach, where Emily's Mom Wookie was abandoned.