So here's the quandary: My best pal is miffed because some middle-aged sales guy in a furniture store addressed her first as "hon" and then as "sweetie." (If you have ever stepped into a furniture store, you know that the salespeople in these places are specially trained to hunt you down and hold on to you with the persistence of a cheerleader looking for a suitable quarterback to take to Homecoming.)
She didn't mind his basic sales rap, but the unexpected terms of endearment had "buddy, you just lost a sale" written all over it.
I know what she means. Over the phone, a customer service guy once tried to calm me down by saying, "OK, dear..."
I took "OK, dear" as the equivalent of "Now get a hold of yourself, Granny" and icily informed him that it would be best for everyone if he refrained from addressing me as if I went to school with Mamie Eisenhower.
It reminds me of an older in-law who I took to dinner one evening at a lovely restaurant. She did not enjoy the familiarity displayed by our sixty-something waitress who addressed us as "luv" and "honey." I'm used to the Philly favorites - "hon" and "youse" - and didn't even notice her catch phrases. "She acts as if she knows us," my in-law noted disdainfully. Me? I'll take the love-bug waitress over the server who never looks you in the eye while reciting "a gluten-free salmon steak served with a wisp of wasabi glaze and a cornucopia of twice-baked carrots and confetti snow peas" in a strained monotone.
Ironically, my bud who was annoyed by the creepy furniture man often uses monikers such as "sis" and "doll" when chatting with me, as in "where's that fifty bucks you owe me, sis" or "OK, doll, you gotta do something about that wardrobe of yours."
But we've known each other since the first moon landing. The furniture dude? He's a newbie and shouldn't take such liberties. It's OK for my sweetie to call me "sweetie" and your mom to call you "hon" but folks need to know where to draw the affectionate line.
But then again, after being greeted once too often with "bee-ach" or, "hey, *!#hole" maybe a salutation of, "greetings, pumpkin!" isn't so bad after all.
You know what I mean, snookums?