Blame it on my Mother.
She's the one who started it.
She used to read the obituaries every day and report back to me if anyone we knew, met or ever laid eyes on had died.
So of course, in her honor, I scan the "Irish Sports Page" religiously.
Here are a few that stood out recently (some of the names have been changed to protect the nincompoops):
* The guy who was survived by "five grandchildren, including his shining star, Monica." Well, Grandpop, that must have made the other four grandkids feel just swell. Way to leave a legacy of passive-aggressive favoritism - bet that'll make for some festive holiday gatherings when the duller descendents start mumbling around the family table about that uber-annoying little brat Monica..."
* In a similar fashion, the deceased who was described as "Grandfather of Gordon Charles and many other grandchildren." Again, either Gordon paid for the death notice (they go for a few hundred bucks, so it ain't pocket change) or this was another Grandad who wanted to hammer home to all the other kids how he felt about their infrequent visits to the old folks home. Not only were they probably left out of the will, they were also dissed publicly in the obit, so who says ya can't make an emphatic point from the grave?
* The woman who, God love her, died at 102 years old and was survived, God love him, by her 104 year old brother. Now that shows a family with some fortitude, nothing a World War or two could knock down. Hope bro was OK without his little sis around...
* Another hearty soul, a 104 year old man who listed his survivors in this order: His sisters, his brothers, his wife and his "beloved childhood dog, Comanche Nicodemus." Hey, the wife was listed after his siblings, but at least she got a mention before the dog who died eight decades ago...
The last words that are written about a person say a lot about them.
My dear old Mum died 20 years ago this Thanksgiving and to this day I have her death notice tucked away in my jewelry box. It's a very brief, ordinary obit that still holds some very chilling words for us.
But although gone, she is certainly not forgotten, and two decades later I remember, quote and talk about her more with a smile than a tear.
So here's to you, Mommy Bones, for providing us with a great Mom and for giving us a penchant for reading colorful obituaries.
For all of that and much, much more, we are truly thankful.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!