ALL IN THE FAMILY

Did you ever notice the shaky explanation famous people tend to use when they quit a job?

Yup, that's right, they want to "spend more time with the family."

Whaddatheythink, we're stupid or something? Jesus Christ, you live with your family, just how much more time can you spend with them?

It's a poor explanation, but you hear it relentlessly from randy politicians, actors in failing sitcoms and "celebrities." Why, just recently, Todd Palin resigned as a production operator for a big oil company. His wife Sarah's spokesperson says that Todd "hopes to return to his union job and for now is spending time with his family." Wow, just think, now they can all sit around and discuss the rampant unemployment that has befallen that clan. Betcha that's a fun gathering in Alaska! "Todd, wanna join us for some huntin and fishin?" Dude, I told you, I can't - I'm spending time with my family! Them animals can wait, dang it!"

I just wish somebody would just come out and say: "I quit as CEO of this behemoth bank because the Feds are about to  descend on my home and confiscate all of my assets. The last place I want to be right now is with my family...that #!*! wife and those #!*! kids of mine are the reason I'm in this mess right now, with their incessant demands for more, more, MORE!"

So remember, when you hear the words "spending time with the family" they may well translate into a less idealized phrase, such as  "spending time avoiding the authorities"; "spending time hiding from photographers until the scandal that's been hanging over my head breaks"; or God Forbid, "spending time behind bars."

The family? They can see them during visiting hours.