ONLY IN PHILLY...

I love Philadelphia and would rather complain here than almost any place else in the world...

But occasionally, even a hometown cheerleader like myself is amazed at some of the goings on in the City of Brotherly Love:

* A one-year-old baby survived a fall from the third floor window of a residence in a Philly neighborhood. How was this child so lucky? The baby fell smack dab into a big old pile of trash, which prevented more serious injury. The next time you're strolling by a three-story building, look up and see just how far that is. Then try to imagine just how much trash you'd need to cushion a plunge from that distance. (And while you're at, try to imagine who was watching that one-year-old when it tumbled out the window...) Who says litter is a nasty plague? Here's a new motto: Let your garbage pile-up, save a life!

* North Philadelphia community activists were miffed because SEPTA, the city's transportation system, was going to put "C.B.Moore Ave." on signs for a bus route instead of "Cecil B. Moore Ave." Cecil B. Moore was a well-known lawyer and civil rights activist in the 1960s who had a major street in North Philadelphia named in his honor. Some people thought it was disrespectful to have a shortened version of his name on a bus. Perhaps I am an insensitive brute, but in a city where the F-word is loudly heard as a frequent verb, adverb and adjective; houses are literally falling down; kids can't get an education; and people are murdering one another on a daily basis, I hardly think that a bus abbreviation is THE most disrespectful occurrence of the day.

* After a rash of bank robberies and a murder were committed by men dressed as Muslim women, one disgusted local Muslim cleric questioned: "Whatever happened to the mask?" in reference to the ski mask that any proud criminal would wear back in the good old days. I don't know, sir, some lowlifes just ain't got no respect for tradition...

* OK, this one is from Ocean City, NJ, a full 90 minutes from Philly, but it involves a true Philadelphia numskull. When this guy lost his cell phone on the beach at night, he had the bright idea to drive his car on the boardwalk so that he could use the vehicle's headlights to help him locate his needle in a sandy haystack. Did I mention he was drunk? Surprise, surprise! Unfortunately, he lost control of his car while exiting the boardwalk, damaging a railing, part of the decking and his reputation as a self-respecting citizen. Not sure if he ever found his phone, which would have come in very handy when they allowed him one call after throwing his sorry butt in the pokey.